FOX, party of 4!!!: July 2015

MOM

April has been one of the hardest month we've ever gone through. When I say hard I mean barely bearable. A lot of this was actually written by Tammy. I couldn't have put this together without her posts. The loss of Mom has obviously overshadowed anything else that happened in April.

Back in March...

Mom had been doing better just one tiny step at a time and was staying at Tammy's now. We would go see her as much as we could and were happy to watch her improve as she was eating again, seeing her therapists and taking all the medicines suggested to her. Tammy was doing an amazing job at taking Mom to all her appointments and help her with every little daily things she needed. Dad would come every single weekend. We all worked together as much as we could. And, to be honest, she was very easy to take care of. She didn't want to be a burden for anyone and was verbally very appreciative of every little thing that was done for her. Which must have been hard since Mom had always been the one taking care of everyone ALL the time. But she never would let others do the same for her. At this point Mom would get tired quickly and would watch movies in bed most of the days but we were all hopeful again and thought that the worse was behind us. Mom was as loving as possible with all of us. And she showed every little bit of it. She would hold our hands, give us all the softest kisses and express how important we were to her.

On Saturday April 4th, Dad was here again. Although he had decided not to come that weekend since he had been traveling 12 hours each weekend all by himself and was starting to feel it. But Mom asked him to please come down again and said she wanted him here with her. On that day he took her out shopping to Walmart. Mom being Mom she wanted to go get a few things to put together individual Easter baskets for the grand kids. After they went shopping they both met us at Kara's house where Randy, Melody, Ben and Kelli were also visiting. She stayed true to herself and was such a loving person. I remember watching her as she was sitting in the corner of Kara's living room with Melody and was holding her hand, talking softly to her. Telling her how much she loved her and how our family and theirs were meant to know each other for all these years. It was beautiful to watch these two long time friends talking together. After they left they went back to Tammy's and Mom put together all of her little Easter baskets and gave it to the kids. That night she insisted that Dad joined the boys to go to the priesthood session of the general conference and then to dinner. The boys had a great time and I know that Mom loved to have all her boys together. When Dad came back to her that night they kissed goodnight and Mom fell asleep. At about 2:30 in the morning, Dad went to get Tammy and Mike to get help with Mom. He said she had fallen off the bed and he couldn't get her to wake up. They ran in there and she was on the floor. They got her on the bed and Tammy shook Mom until she woke up.

Tammy said, "Mom! You are freaking me out!!"

Mom said, "I am?"

"Are you okay??"

"My stomach kind of hurts."

Then she rolled over and went back to sleep. Around 4:30 Dad yelled for help. She threw up green. That's when 911 was called. Before being taken out of Tammy's house she gave them one of those little smirk of hers along with a thumbs up as she was on her way to the emergency room. Dad, Mike and Tammy were right there with her. They were not allowed in immediately, so they waited in the waiting room. They finally were allowed back and one nurse was trying to take blood and seemed to be having a hard time. Another nurse kept telling Tammy that they were going to figure out what was going on. Tam gave them all Mom's meds and gave them all the information she could.

The nurse was trying to talk to Mom. She asked her questions like her name and her birthday. Mom was just mumbling. Nothing was understandable. They kept saying her heartbeat was weak and they were trying to get it stronger.

There was a few seconds where Mom and Tammy's eyes were locked, then she closed them and started convulsing. It was like she was going to throw up. Then, things started to go crazy after that. The doctor, he called himself Rob, came in and yelled for a crash cart. They got pushed out of the little room and people started doing CPR.

Dad called us. I will not forget that call. It was 7 o'clock when Adam's phone rang. Dad told Adam that "Your mom is in the ER. I need you to come." And that was pretty much it. We thought that she was probably dehydrated again and she had to get some more IVs. So Adam texted Tammy to try to find out more. What she texted back got us moving: "Mom's heart stopped beating. They brought the crash cart. Don't bring Josan". So as fast as we could manage we called our friend Lori to see if we could drop Josan off since she lives in our neighborhood. Thankfully everyone was up already and they were so sweet to have Josan over.

Rob told Tammy that they had got her heart beating again and that they had to intubate her. This put her into a panic. She had promised Mom that she would never let that happen.

On our way to Mom we called Jim and Amy. When we got to the hospital we found Mike, Tammy and Dad right by Mom's room where they were now doing some test to see what had happen. Both stroke and heart attack got ruled out. Jim and Amy soon joined us all and were just as worried as we were. Her heart stopped again. More CPR. Her heart started. We were all so worried. Although I think most of us still believed that this was just a routine thing and the Drs would soon tell us she'd be just fine.There was no way that this was a huge deal. They sent us all in the lobby to wait while they'd transfer Mom to the ICU since she seemed fairly stable. We were so impatient to see her. Amy said a family prayer and we sat in shock. After about 10 minutes of us waiting Jay finally got to the hospital. He had been rushing all the way from Eagle Mountain and I cannot imagine how hard the drive must have been for him. As Jay sat with us they announced a "code blue to ICU, room 8" over the intercom. Adam asked what the chances were that it wasn't for Mom. We all looked at each other. We knew it was for Mom. After waiting like seemed like the longest 20 minutes ever, Rob came back and took us, along with a social worker, in a more private room. He told us that Mom's heart was not starting again and that, in his opinion, it wouldn't restart this time. But they could keep trying if we wanted them to. Tammy asked if we had a decision to make. And we did. Dad and Tammy looked at each other and Dad said he knew what had to be done; stop trying. At this point all of us, including Rob, started crying. Dad wanted to see Mom. No one really could grasp what was happening but crying was the only thing we could do. Rob told us to give his team a few minutes so they could finish cleaning things up (it felt even worse to me after he said that for some reason) before we could see her.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one that thought that but I was expecting her to be in a coma sort of state. Maybe on machines to keep her alive for a bit longer. I thought she would be mostly gone, but not completely. There is no way we could have been prepared for that moment. Mom was not Mom anymore. Her heart had stopped, her beautiful, lifeless body, empty. I remember watching Dad rush to his love's bed to hold her. He kissed her and cried. We all sat around her and cried. It was shocking. I remember the disbelief on each of us' faces trying to wrap our minds around the emotions we were feeling. I remember the hopelessness I felt toward everyone's sorrow. And I remember pain. Lots of pain. We could not believe it. We felt such peace, but she was gone. We have to believe that she wanted to go and that's why we felt so comforted. Perhaps she was given the choice and she chose to go. Perhaps her mother and her first husbands came and she wanted to go with them. Or perhaps it was just her time. She was really sick, sicker than any of us knew, and she was given some relief by a Heavenly Father who loves her. On April 5th, at 9:25 the morning of Easter, we had lost a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a daughter, a friend.

The eight of us sat around her and Gage wanted to come over and see her. He'd been home less than a month and lost one of his biggest fans and supporters. Mom loved him. The Olson family came and then Jerry and Amber came to see her. Jerry helped out so much that morning. He called everyone. No one could bear talking on the phone to anyone. Jerry then sent us home and stayed with Mom until the Mortician came to pick her up.

When we got back from getting Josan, Tammy's wonderful neighbors were there and they had changed the bedding that Mom was sleeping on and cleared most everything out of the room. The house was spotless and they had lunch and were also bringing dinner. They were so amazing.

Tom, Tammy, David, Jen, and of course Jerry and Amber were there with us. Then, Grandma, Terry, and Alan showed up too. We all just sat together, laughed, cried, talked, and just comforted each other. After awhile, Jerry said he had to go. It was Easter after all and they needed to see their kids. We all had forgotten that it was Easter!

It's really hard to describe how it has been for all of us. We have felt the spirit so strongly bringing us peace and comfort at a time of need. We have been blessed with so many prayers on our behalf and so much kindness. We will be forever grateful for all that was done for us. But the pain and emptiness left behind are things that time will have to work on for us. We have seen so many tender mercies; big and small. And I feel like it is important to write them down. So we can remember. So we can remember the hand of our Heavenly Father through such a hard time in our lives.

First thing. This would have been so much harder to handle if Mom would have gotten sick back home in Nevada. None of us could have been there full time to help. Dad would have been alone to take care of her. And she would have passed away there as well. Away from most of her family. But since she had been here for Gage's homecoming we got to have her close for a whole month. We had the blessing to take care of her, to go through everything with her, and to show her how much we loved her. Although these 4 weeks were hard I wouldn't trade them for the world. Personally it has allowed Mom and I to grow so much closer. Before the sicknesses we always had a bit of a restricted love for each other. I think I just never knew what it was to have a 24/7 mother to rely on and Mom did not want to intrude herself on me either. So we both loved each other very much but always had that restriction as well. But when Mom got sick I actually loved taking care of her and I think she realized that I wouldn't be doing all that if I didn't love her the way I did. I will always remember when she was at the hospital and was so very sick that she'd just let anyone take care of her. I was so surprised when she had just gotten out of the shower and, because she had no other choice, she had let me see her on the toilet without any embarrassment. I'm talking about the woman that was usually so private that she'd wait until all stalls would be empty in a public restrooms to do anything. Or that would turn the faucets on so no one (including her family) could hear anything in the bathroom. But yet she was letting me wash her underwear, comb her hair and hold her hospital gown. I realized then how much I loved her. And I think that's also when she realized how much she loved me. From that time on the restrictions were completely gone and we had a - much too short 4 weeks - relationship that I will cherish for ever.

Second, the answers that we were able to get. Her heart had never been a worry. So why had it stopped?!? The Tuesday before she passed away she had gotten a biopsy done on her kidney. The results came back a week later, the Tuesday right after her passing. Tammy called her Dr to see if they had found anything explaining what had happened. The Dr said he was very surprised that she had died. He did not think she was sick enough. However, he said that the tests showed that she had something called Amyloidosis. It was a type of bone marrow cancer. He said it was terminal, but he still felt as if she was in early stages. However, he couldn't know that until they did a bone marrow biopsy. That cancer is terminal. There is no recovering from it. And it is also the most painful cancer to endure. We were so thankful that we could get that answer to help us through a little. But what an amazing mercy to know that Mom was spared the heart ache by passing away before she'd heard the news. She had always been so afraid to have cancer; this would have destroyed her.

Another tender mercy was that she got to spend time with her loved ones and leave everyone with all the love she had. A lot of people don't get to say goodbyes. And neither did we. But we did get to spend that extra time with her and she did get to see all her family and friends very shortly before going. She left everyone with feelings of love and peace. That is an amazing blessing that not everyone gets.

Another one has been all the prayers, support and love on our behalf. There is no doubt in my mind that it has helped us all get through one of the most painful times in our lives. Neighbors have been taking over meals and responsibilities, friends, family and even strangers have helped us more than they'll ever know. We have been incredibly blessed.

The last one that comes to my mind right now is that all of all 365 days of the year, Mom passed away the weekend of the General Conference. On Easter morning. What a wonderful way it has been for us to remember that, because of our Savior's sacrifice, we can see her again. Easter helped us all be so thankful that families can be together forever.

As unusual as this will sound, everything has been perfect. Very painful yes. But perfect. We have been very blessed throughout all this.

And then, after Mom passed away, our family all worked together perfectly. We all took our own part of the load and made everything as nice as we could. The next few days were kind of a blur, and yet, they were excruciatingly long. Dad, Adam, Josan and I headed down to Logandale. Dad needed more clothes and we needed to get stuff to display at the viewing and funeral. Dad understandably did not want to do this alone. That left Tammy and the boys, to pick out the casket, flowers, headstone, funeral program, etc. It was a lot. She had to write the obituary, as well. She was the only one that could have done such a beautiful job with everything.

That's what was in Mom's purse

Tom and Tam offered their help with anything.Tom arranged the funeral place, Tammy's sister did the luncheon, Tom called the Bishop to set everything up...They helped us so much!

Mom really wanted to be buried in Pleasant Grove. She owns two burial plots next to both of her husbands and her wish was to be buried there. I know that was hard for Dad, but he knew that is what she wanted. His only request was that her name on the headstone read Jeannette Wood FOX. That's what it said.

On Wednesday, Amy and Tammy had the privilege to go down to the mortuary and put on Mom's makeup and dress her in her temple clothes. I was very sad to not be able to make it as we were not back from Logandale yet. My 2 best examples of motherhood were now gone. And I had not been able to prepare them like I would have liked to. When my grandmother passed away I was not endowed yet and could not help with her temple clothes and now I was not gonna make it back on time for Mom. But I'm thankful that Amy and Tammy were there to do it. Terry Fox so generously bought her all new temple clothes. Mom had lost so much weight over the last while that none of her temple stuff fit. When they got there, they both were surprised at how beautiful Mom looked. There was hardly a line on her face. She looked so at peace. It was so comforting. She was always so beautiful. Everyone thought so.

On Thursday morning, we were back. Dad wanted us to take him to Kohl's because he wanted to buy a suit. He had never had one before. He's definitely not a suit loving guy. So, we went with him and helped him pick out something nice. He was gonna look so handsome for his wife.

Here is Mom's obituary:

Jeannette Lucille Fox

8 February 1950 - 5 April 2015

Our loving wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, and friend, Jeannette Lucille Fox, passed away on Easter Morning, 5 April 2015 after a short illness. She was born 8 February 1950 in Provo, Utah to Wayne Eugene Wood and Alta Mae King. She was raised in Pleasant Grove and attended school there, graduating from Pleasant Grove High School in 1968.

On 18 September 1968 she married Henson Frank Walker. He died in Vietnam in 1969. She then married James Robert Mills on 23 June 1971 in the Salt Lake Temple, and together they had three children, Tamara, Jay Ray, and James Robert Jr. Jim tragically passed away on 11 September 1976. On 27 August 1982 she married Bruce Alan Fox and became a mother to his two children, Kristen and Kyle. Bruce and Jeannette then had one son together, Adam.

Jeannette was an angel on earth. She was a caretaker and always went that extra mile to serve others. She was an amazing mother and loving grandmother. Her grandchildren worshiped her. She loved her family, friends, and especially her Savior. She had an unwavering testimony of the Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We know it had to be difficult for her to leave us, but we are comforted to know that she is being reunited with so many loved ones.

Jeannette was preceded in death by two husbands, Frank Walker and Jim Mills; and her mother, Alta Mae Wood.

She is survived by her husband, Bruce Fox; her six children, Tamara (Michael) Thomas, Jay (Lisa) Mills, James (Amy) Mills, Kristen Fox, Kyle (Carrie) Fox, and Adam (Annie) Fox; her father, Wayne Wood; her mother-in-law, Darleen Fox; two sisters, Annette (Larry) Saling, Lorraine (Pierre) Schutz; four brothers, Tom (Tammy) Wood, Cliff (Nanette) Wood, David Wood, Jerry (Amber) Wood; 17 grandchildren; and numerous nieces, nephews, and in-laws.

Funeral services will be held Friday, April 10, 2015 at 11:00 a.m. in the Pleasant Grove 1st Ward Chapel, 275 East 500 South, Pleasant Grove with a viewing one hour prior to the services. Family and friends may also attend a viewing Thursday evening from 6 – 8 p.m. at Olpin Family Mortuary, 494 South 300 East, Pleasant Grove. Interment will be in the Pleasant Grove City Cemetery. Condolences may be sent to the family at www.olpinmortuary.com.

A Memorial Visitation will be held at the
Moapa Valley Mortuary Logandale, Nevada, Tuesday, April 14, 2015 from 7 – 8 p.m.

The Funeral (April 10th, 2015)

The weather on the day of the funeral was beautiful. There were a lot of people that came to view her before the closing of the casket. After Kyle gave a beautiful family prayer, we said our final goodbyes and kissed her one by one. Tammy placed the veil over her face and took one more look. Even thinking about it now, I can't believe it happened. The program of the funeral turned out really nice. I felt so honored to be able to say the opening prayer. It was very hard to do. Unless I listen to the recording I still cannot remember what I said. Only how I felt. Tammy, Jay, Jim, Adam,Tom and grandpa's bishop spoke. Gage played a beautiful piano number. He didn't play what was on the program, but a medley of songs that he put together at the last moment. All the kids sang I am a child of God.

The Viewing (April 9th, 2015)

It was so touching to see how many people came to Mom's viewing. There were a lot of kids that graduated from high school with her, some people from her neighborhood in Pleasant Grove, and in Layton, as well and of course a lot of other friends and family. It was a very pleasant and peaceful evening. She looked so pretty and so at peace. She was definitely loved by many.

These were sent by my Mom. Along with the roses the grand kids
and close friends would put on the coffin

I love this picture. I was about to go comfort Adam and then I noticed that Taryn
already was. It made me so thankful for a family that looks out for each other!